I suppose I shouldn’t knock it without having seen it, but I never understood the point of Gus Van Sant’s shot-by-shot remake of Psycho. (Also, Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates seems like a disservice to both of them.) When it came out, I thought, why would anyone put all that effort into just repeating something, right down to the very last shot?*

Well, now I know. Below you will find a remake done right. Kudos to the filmmakers–genius concept, masterful execution.

For good measure, here it is, side-by-side, with the original.

*Apparently, Van Sant’s version is slightly different. He added a masturbation scene. Which is appropriate.

The glory that is Jersey Shore has me looking forward to Thursday nights with a heretofore unknown fervor. (Hear that, Huxtable? Lemon?). I’m drawn like a moth to the flame, or, as Ronnie would put it, like a fly to shit. (That’s how women are drawn to him when he takes his shirt off, fyi.)

Thus, the names, faces, and–yes–situations of the Jersey Shore roommates are rattling around my head all day long. Snooki is never far from my thoughts, though if my fiancee has her way, the one they call Snickers will remain far from our wedding reception. (I maintain that $2k + travel costs is a small price to pay for the raise-the-poof back walkover.) I see Pauly D’s hair in shaving brush bristles and shrubberies. I’m never quite certain howw many ‘w’s are in a given word. But looming above them all is the one who has a full-time job for all those whose occupation is hatin’, the man, the legend, The Situation (nee Mike Sorrentino). He has so permeated my subconscious that, this evening, as I walked to the gym, I found myself singing to myself “I just dropped in / To see what situation The Situation is in.”

This of course is a paraphrase of the hit by The First Edition, “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)”.  (Question: Is it only fair (given principles of nomenclature and the like) to consider New Edition the next iteration of The First Edition? If so, does that make Bobby Brown Kenny Rogers? Consequently, was Wyclef usurping when he covered “The Gambler”?)

Returning to The Situation, it seems that this new tribute ditty deserves a psychedelic Situation-starring vid to match the Lebowski dream sequence set to the First Edition hit.

Finally, also on The Situation tip, I just now got around to watching him and Snooki on Conan, and I must say, I was utterly disappointed to hear the pedestrian (no pun intended) origins of his nickname. He told Conan that the nickname came from a situation when he was on walking along the Jersey Shore a few years ago and a girlfriend remarked to her boyfriend something like, “that guy has amazing abs.” One of The Situation’s friends then said something like, “looks like they’ve got a situation over there.”

But devoted Jersey Shore viewers will recall that he explained in the first episode that he’s The Situation because his abs are the situation. When he’s in a room, his abs are the situation in that room. No offense intended toward my friends of faith, but this approaches the dizzying, glorious, fearless, sui generis, don’t-need-to-explain-myself circularity of a burning bush that declares itself “I Am That I Am.”

There’s mystery in them there abs, Situation. Let’s keep it that way.

If “they” are Shawn Kemp, they’re at a Wal-Mart in Illinois:

It’s good to see the Reign Man looking slender and healthy. I’ll always remember him that way. My favorite part of Reid’s opus, Sonicsgate, was probably the Kemp highlights. Which isn’t a knock on Sonicsgate. It’s just that, as Bob Slydell might say, “For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when Shawn Kemp dunks.” And, yes, I’m apparently stuck in the 1990s. I quote another resident of that decade, one Walter Sobchak: “You’re goddamn right I’m living in the fucking past!”

Photo by Andrew Miller

You may remember Nirav (the dude on the right in the photo above) from his role as “The Shah of Southtown” in Haymaker & Sally. But that was just the tip of his iceberg of talent. The man is a terrific writer, a top-notch litigator, and now a contestant on Jeopardy! Tune in tonight and witness the phenomenon. Lebron’s got nothing on The Shah.

Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Talking Heads - Why Mario Lopez should replace Chris Matthews and the America’s Best Dance Crew Panel should judge convention speeches.

Dear Paul: Go For Bolt - My case to Paul Allen for signing Usain Bolt

Sex and the Olympic City - Fascinating, funny article on the swingers club that is the Olympic Village, written by a former Olympic athlete.

I know I’ve been bad about posting lately. Believe it or not, I’ve actually scored a fellowship with the Seattle Weekly, so I’ll basically be functioning like a staff writer there for the next six months, starting today. That means I’ll probably be posting less here, but writing a lot over there, so go to www.seattleweekly.com and its blogs and read regularly!

I had a few pieces out in the Weekly’s “Best of Seattle” issue, a piece in this month’s Sports Northwest Magazine, some columns, etc. When you’re done reading my articles, browse around: there’s lots of good stuff in both:

Best Intergenerational Workout Facility (On the downtown YMCA)

Best Hangout for the Ghost of Fred Sanford (on R&R Hardware)

Best Friend of the Enemy (on Sonics lead attorney Brad Keller)

Best Sports Retiree at Leisure (on former tennis pro Jeff Borowiak)

Fuck It: I’m Going with the Blazers

Sticking it to David Stern the Barely Legal Way

This week’s column: I sing the praises of Kevin Calabro.

Another post by me–some silliness with top-10 lists and local political figures.

Huan Hsu used to write for the Weekly but moved to China to work for an Uncle’s business and work on a book. He wrote this entertaining piece on his adolescent struggles with Asian stereotypes and the success of Michael Chang.

My friend Bucky sent me this Washington Post op-ed a couple weeks ago. While one can cherry-pick events to show the similarities between eras, and while the author doesn’t provide much evidence to back his contention that the 1970s federal government was actually more inefficient than previous ones, rather than just perceived as such, he does lay out an uncanny array of ties between 1978 and 2008. It’s an entertaining read.

My friend/former co-worker and employer Doug Hiatt got a much-deserved write-up in the Seattle Times. Philip Dawdy’s longer (and highly entertaining) piece on Hiatt from a couple years ago can be found here.

John McCain may have gotten a little confused about the chronology of the surge and the Anbar Awakening, but CBS bailed him out. In covering the story, the NY Times turns to the ever-reliable war cheerleader Michael O’Hanlon for commentary. (A few questions: If Surge Cola were still around today, what would the surge do to its sales? It would have to help, right? Would they still call it the surge? Would people take the surge less seriously because it was seemingly named after a soft drink? Would Coca-Cola sue?)

Seth Kolloen put together a very funny graphic about former Mariners GM Bill Bavasi.

The Detroit Shock’s Plenette Pierson and the Los Angeles Sparks’ Candace Parker started a melee last night after tangling twice over rebounding position. Rick Mahorn, Michael Cooper, and Bill Laimbeer ended up in the scrum, while Karl Malone’s daughter, Cheryl Ford, blew out her knee acting as peacemaker. This one is just ripe for an NBA “passing the torch” type of commercial. If we can watch Kevin Garnett and Bill Russell make virtual love to one another in a studio, I don’t see any reason we can’t watch Mahorn, Laimbeer, and their successors like Pearson and Parker discuss the finer points of antagonism and brawling.

Also, It seems there’s something about the Palace in Auburn Hills.

Sorry I’ve been so bad about putting up posts lately. Here’s this week’s column.