Another big week, another big departure. They’re dropping like flies at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Fortunately for our President, there’s plenty of you-know-what around to attract some more. Without further ado:

Monday, August 27
-Dick Cheney sees Superbad, smirks repeatedly.
-The press catches wind of Alberto Gonzales’ departure. Feeling sentimental after watching the retrospectives on his tenure, Gonzales decides to put together a scrapbook to preserve the good memories. Here’s an excerpt:

Halloween, 2005: Me as a public servant and Sandra as a giant pilgrim!

Tuesday, August 28
-The US Census Bureau reports that the rate of uninsured American adults and children jumped in 2006. Dick Cheney googles “priapism”.
-The Associated Press reports that Army is widening their investigations of waste, fraud, and abuse in contracts in Iraq and Afghanistan, including those held by Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg, Brown, and Root. Bush’s advisers rebuff his suggestion that Gonzales oversee the investigation. “What about Brownie?” “No, sir, he won’t do either.” After much haggling, they settle on Thomas White.
-Cheney: Send Thomas White a bottle of scotch and a pair of concrete shoes with the note “Thomas, I hope you don’t have to wear them. Dick.”
Aide: We can’t do that, sir. That would be illegal.
Cheney: GODDAMNIT, THAT’S HOW I ROLL!!
Cheney receives a shock from his pacemaker.

Wednesday, August 29th
-Al Gonzales and Karl Rove play Edward 40-hands in the Rose Garden. Before passing out, they engage in a little bonding.

KARL: What are we gonna do, Gonzo?
AL: If you’ll be my bodyguard, I can be your long lost pal.
KARL: We are sooo gonna end up at the Carlyle Group.
AL: Fuckin’ A.

Thursday, August 30th
-General Petraeus reports from the Green Zone that the surge is working.

The General flashes that winning Green Zone grin.

Petraeus watches grass grow, surge work. Secretary Gates wonders why he accepted the nomination.

Friday, August 31
Karl Rove’s last day as White House deputy chief of staff. Feeling sly, he attempts to make off with the Golden Tee game from the Lincoln Bedroom, wheeling it out on a dolly. Cheney catches him and slaps him across the face. The Vice President then pulls out his heart rate monitor. “See,” he says. “It didn’t even go up.”

This entry was posted on Friday, August 31st, 2007 at 10:01 am and is filed under This Week in the Bush Administration, Corruption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.