Clipboard Mobsters
September 26th, 2007 by DamonYesterday, a Seattle jury reinstated the conviction of strip club magnate Frank Colacurcio, Sr. for assaulting a waitress at his Lake City strip club, Rick’s. Colacurcio has a long been rumored a mob boss and has several federal investigations and convictions to show for it.
But this post isn’t about Colacurcio or any real-life mobster. This post is about basketball coaches who resemble mobsters, real or otherwise. Check out this picture of Colacurcio:
And now check out famous former college coach, Jerry “The Shark” Tarkanian:
Of course, real-life mobsters don’t all share just one particular look, and celluloid organized crime is beginning to catch up to the diversity of its real-life counterpart. That having been said, for one reason or another, the following coaches make me think mob:
5. Rick Pitino
Pitino sounds like Pacino, and Rick has the good looks and disarming presence of an early Michael Corleone. Working against him: still comes across as too nice. Also, inability to win in the big leagues. Would Corleone have traded a lottery pick for Vitaly Potapenko?
4. Nolan Richardson
Those pockmarks look like little shrapnel wounds, the scars of the street fights that had to be won to get where he did. Dude’s seen some shit, and he’s gonna bring it back to you through a double-barrelled shotgun firing 20 minutes of hell per.
3. Bob Huggins
If someone were to photoshop the fans out of the background and present this photo to a focus group who’d never seen Bob Huggins before, do you think they’d be more likely to guess that he’s a college basketball coach or a Russian mobster?
2. Jerry Tarkanian
You don’t get those rings by just fuckin’ around
He seems like he’d be number 1, what with the nickname, his association with Vegas, and the fact that his players were photographed in a hot tub with a known game-fixer. But he’s still got to contend with…
1. Don Nelson
The broad, weathered face; the mock turtlenecks under the sportcoat (sorry, George Karl: you’re still not making the list); the way he works the refs; the fact that he brought his son into the game. Everything about Nelson says “mob boss.” All that’s missing are the gaudy championship rings on the thick fingers.
Eliminated from consideration: Pat Riley
For appearing in the following advertisement:
Sure, he’s got the rings and the intensity (click this link and search for “ice water”), and he’s not afraid to indulge in some thuggishness to win (see, e.g., the mid-90s). But a real mob boss wouldn’t do a Rolaids ad, and sure as hell wouldn’t let them put a white Magic with a Craig Ehlo haircut in it. (Props to The Basketball Jones for the find and for noticing the white Magic)
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September 27th, 2007 at 5:00 am
[…] 5. Top 5 coaches that remind you and I of mobsters. [Damon Agnos] […]
September 27th, 2007 at 10:56 am
If you want to read about a real shady strip club owner, check out this link: http://vegassyndicate.blogspot.com/search/label/Rick%20Rizzolo
This guy was in trouble for a bunch of stuff. He fake divorced his wife and basically gave her everything (about $15 million) so the feds couldn’t get touch it. The idea being that he would get back together with his wife after the investigation and be reunited with all his belongings.
Funny stuff.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:09 pm
How could you not include Bryan Colangelo. The suits, his Italian consigliari (Murizio G.) C’mon.
September 27th, 2007 at 12:39 pm
MazelTov: You make a strong case, but he neither is nor has been a coach, so he doesn’t qualify.
Matt: Wouldn’t it be great if it turned out that Rick Rizzolo is Rick Rizz’s nighttime alter-ego?
September 27th, 2007 at 2:41 pm
What about the Grizzlies Tony Barone?
September 27th, 2007 at 2:57 pm
Yeah, Niehaus could be the DJ and Rick Griffin could be a bouncer at the “Bad Ship Mariner Gentleman’s Club.” I’m sure we could find a spot for Hendu as well.
September 27th, 2007 at 3:58 pm
Forgot to recommend another mobster coach. I know this isn’t basketball, but former NC State football coarch Chuck Amato is clearly involved with mafia. He looks like it and he voice sounds like he has a horrible case of emphysema.
September 27th, 2007 at 4:01 pm
john calipari, obviously: hair that could coat a slip and slide and the devilish good looks of a boyish consiglieri/homocidal wunderkind.
September 27th, 2007 at 4:17 pm
to support my last comment. take a look at this picture:
http://www.jimrome.com/home/audio_archive_list/mens0/john7.html
September 27th, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Barone is an awesome suggestion–look at this pic:
http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/writers/kelly_dwyer/01/16/coaches.notes/p1.barone.jpg
As for Calipari, I considered him, but felt like he and Pitino were too similar and I had to choose one. Calipari does seem a little nastier, and there’s something in the way he got John Chaney to lose his shit. The shot of Calipari in the warm-up suit does make me reconsider.
September 27th, 2007 at 6:50 pm
No, Amato is a great suggestion. Check out this home video of him pulling up to stadium in his convertible red corvette to do his coaches show: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYB5ocYQZ9I
His nickname is “Chuck the Chest.” Notice how giant his chest is in the youtube video…perfect for a pinstripe suit. His voice sounds exactly like Joe Pesci. Not only that, he also admits to having a CD called, “Mafia Hits: Best Italian theme songs from TV” in his car.
I don’t care if doesn’t coach college basketball.
September 27th, 2007 at 7:44 pm
Holy shit! Does he have implants?!
September 28th, 2007 at 6:34 am
dude, i was all about this list, following you at every step… until i got to #1 and saw that you had left off billy donovan!!! what’s the dealio?!
November 24th, 2009 at 12:50 am
grazie! post molto utile!
July 12th, 2010 at 10:52 pm
The Heat brass will remember this act of loyalty from Haslem an reward him with a coaching/ front office position when he retires. As a Heat fan, I say “Thank you, UD”