Monday, November 12th
A National Security Council meeting is derailed when the President confuses IEDs with IUDs, puts surgeon general on conference call.

Tuesday, November 13th
The Wall Street Journal reports that, in a nod to traditional free-market economic theory, the U.S. Government is soliciting bids from defense contractors for a $15 billion contract to fight the drug war. Among the competitors is Blackwater.

“It’s simple economics,” explains a Bush economic adviser. “You just prohibit the substance, forcing an informal market and creating profit incentives for legally flexible entrepeneurs. You then liberalize the finance industries in the production countries, allowing drug profits to be stored more easily, no questions asked, and enabling those countries to stabilize their currencies with said profits. Simultaneously, you have the IMF impose austerity measures on those countries, forcing formal industries to contract and pushing more people into the coca trade. Now stay with me, here.” He pauses for a swig of Kool-Aid. “Here’s how you solve it: Find a silver-spoon-fed, A-Team wannabe, Lou Holtz-look-alike party fundraiser, funnel him some money so he can hire some trigger-happy muscleheads, and send ‘em into the jungle.”
“Fuckin’ A,” adds the president. “Hey wait. What about Rambo?”

Lou: Play like a winner today!” Erik: “I thought I wasn’t gonna have to bid on this motherfucker!”

Wednesday, November 14th
David Addington explains to a disappointed President that the term veto is not named after a character from The Godfather.
Addington: Did you sign that signing statement for me?
Bush: Not yet. Wasn’t that awesome when he said he was gonna make him an offer he couldn’t refuse?
Addington: Yes, it was. I’m going to need that statement, Mr. President.
Bush: What’s Habeus Corpus?
Addington ignores him, shuffles papers.
Cheney (from next room): Oh, he’s just Petraeus’ cousin.
Bush: Petraeus…I love that guy.

Thursday, November 15th
An American Research Group poll finds that 43% of Americans support the impeachment of Dick Cheney. Told of the news, an irritated Vice President responds, “well, I’m in support of waterboarding 43% of them, so I’m not sweating it either.”

Friday, November 16th
The Pittsburgh Steelers receive an inspirational message from the Vice President, who has bet on them to cover the spread against the New York Jets. “Remember,” concludes Cheney. “All I need is a Gatorade bucket and a Terrible Towel.”

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 18th, 2007 at 5:41 pm and is filed under Crazy People, Dumb Ideas, This Week in the Bush Administration, Corruption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.