We invite you to play our new, can’t-lose holiday game: Where’s Douche Bag?

Monday, November 26th
-New investigations reveal that, despite its criticisms of US treatment of Guantanamo prisoners, Spain allowed US planes to use its airports to transport rendered suspects to Guantanamo. Upon hearing the news, Congressional Democrats invite the Spanish Socialist Workers Party to be honorary Democrats. “You know, sometimes you forget, with national boundaries, how much we have in common,” explains Dianne Feinstein. “But they’re just like us.”

Friday, November 30th
-The Washington Post reports that White House Special Counsel Scott Bloch confesses to having wiped his hard drive of all files relating to his investigation of Karl Rove and says he won’t be providing his copies of the files either.

As another article explains: Following the revelation of the computer wipes, federal investigators have requested Bloch turn over copies of personal files that he saved to his America Online account before his hard disk was scrubbed. Bloch has refused, saying the data…don’t involve his official work.

Why ask Bloch when you could go straight to America Online, right, Dianne? I mean, we don’t even need a warrant, do we, Chuck?

Sunday, December 2nd
-The New York Times reports that lawlessness has hit new highs in Baghdad, with people bribing and stealing at unprecendented levels. (Iraq is now considered the world’s third most corrupt country.) The article runs with a picture of a car wash business that was created by rerouting the water from public pipes. Told of the news, President Bush isn’t worried. “This just shows the Iraqi people’s desire for a free market system in which private initiative, rather than public bureaucracy, drives the distribution of key goods and services.”
-Newsweek reports that Condoleezza Rice will invite Paul Wolfowitz to head the International Security Advisory Board. Wolfowitz will replace Fred Thompson, who was fired for being a corpse. After extending her offer, Condi let Wolfowitz know that the position comes with limits. “You’ve got to promise me you won’t mess this up by trying to throw money at people you fucked,” she told him, in an obvious reference to his early departure from the World Bank. “Unless, of course, it’s Iraq.”

This entry was posted on Monday, December 3rd, 2007 at 2:59 am and is filed under This Week in the Bush Administration, Corruption. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.