End Times?
March 17th, 2008 by DamonA few years ago, I spent a summer in Atlanta, and I recall the MARTA ride to the airport passing a large, dilapadated building on the side of which was spraypainted something like “The End Times Is Near!”
Well, with financial markets and cranes collapsing, I figured it was time to check in with the world’s foremost rapturologists at Rapture Ready’s Rapture Index to learn whether the End Times are in fact arriving. It turns out that even with today’s financial collapses, the Rapture Index is only at 168. Yesterday’s 169 was actually our high for the year—and was still well off the all-time high of 182 on September 24, 2001. Oh, how I yearn for the halcyon days of December 1993, when we heathens felt safer with the Rapture Index at an anemic 53!
The number of variables in the Rapture Index makes me wonder whether End Times forecasting has spurred a cottage industry of amateur statistical analysis the way baseball and basketball have; i.e. whether there are a bunch of believers coming up with their own (unprovable) formulas at home. What a hobby—endless fun in an ending world!
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March 19th, 2008 at 9:17 pm
There are quite a few really interesting measurements that are part of the Rapture Index.
This is pretty depressing — #17 Crime Rate: For the first time in U.S. history, more than one in every 100 American adults is in jail or prison.
Those wacky Europeans are clearly the tools of Satan! — #33 Beast Government: The EU pens a new treaty.
At 168 on the Rapture Index, they recommend “fasten your seatbelts” because we’re hurtling toward the end of times.
My great disappointment is that there are no links on the index in case you want to explore something a little further. Where did they get this statistic on the number of American adults in jail? What’s the new treaty the EU signed? Something to do with being required to have 666 branded on your palm if you want to engage in commerce?
March 20th, 2008 at 8:52 am
I can see where you’re coming from but for many of us, it’s encouraging because the Word confirms the events unfolding in front of our eyes. It strengthens our faith.
March 24th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
Note to Dennis: They make this shit up.