A Late-Night Meditation on Conditions, Situations, and SuchJanuary 6th, 2010 by Damon
The glory that is Jersey Shore has me looking forward to Thursday nights with a heretofore unknown fervor. (Hear that, Huxtable? Lemon?). I’m drawn like a moth to the flame, or, as Ronnie would put it, like a fly to shit. (That’s how women are drawn to him when he takes his shirt off, fyi.)
Thus, the names, faces, and–yes–situations of the Jersey Shore roommates are rattling around my head all day long. Snooki is never far from my thoughts, though if my fiancee has her way, the one they call Snickers will remain far from our wedding reception. (I maintain that $2k + travel costs is a small price to pay for the raise-the-poof back walkover.) I see Pauly D’s hair in shaving brush bristles and shrubberies. I’m never quite certain howw many ‘w’s are in a given word. But looming above them all is the one who has a full-time job for all those whose occupation is hatin’, the man, the legend, The Situation (nee Mike Sorrentino). He has so permeated my subconscious that, this evening, as I walked to the gym, I found myself singing to myself “I just dropped in / To see what situation The Situation is in.”
This of course is a paraphrase of the hit by The First Edition, “Just Dropped In (To See What Condition My Condition Was In)”. (Question: Is it only fair (given principles of nomenclature and the like) to consider New Edition the next iteration of The First Edition? If so, does that make Bobby Brown Kenny Rogers? Consequently, was Wyclef usurping when he covered “The Gambler”?)
Returning to The Situation, it seems that this new tribute ditty deserves a psychedelic Situation-starring vid to match the Lebowski dream sequence set to the First Edition hit.
Finally, also on The Situation tip, I just now got around to watching him and Snooki on Conan, and I must say, I was utterly disappointed to hear the pedestrian (no pun intended) origins of his nickname. He told Conan that the nickname came from a situation when he was on walking along the Jersey Shore a few years ago and a girlfriend remarked to her boyfriend something like, “that guy has amazing abs.” One of The Situation’s friends then said something like, “looks like they’ve got a situation over there.”
But devoted Jersey Shore viewers will recall that he explained in the first episode that he’s The Situation because his abs are the situation. When he’s in a room, his abs are the situation in that room. No offense intended toward my friends of faith, but this approaches the dizzying, glorious, fearless, sui generis, don’t-need-to-explain-myself circularity of a burning bush that declares itself “I Am That I Am.”
There’s mystery in them there abs, Situation. Let’s keep it that way.