This week, I take a behind-the-scenes look, showing the men of the executive branch in their unguarded moments. As you’ll see, life in the corridors of power isn’t all hard work and agonizing decisions.

Monday, August 20th
-Suffering from short-timer syndrome, Karl Rove boasts that he has now recorded the top five scores on the Big Buck Hunter Pro in the mini-arcade in the Lincoln bedroom. Upon hearing Rove’s boast, Dick Cheney smirks. He joins Rove for a two-player game and his hunter shoots Rove’s in the face.

Tuesday, August 21st
-Cheney: Hey Karl, what do you get when you adopt standards to prevent states from extending the CHIP program to cover more children?
(Rove looks back from game of Golden Tee, shrugs)
Cheney: A boner!

Wednesday, August 22nd
-The Texas Rangers, formerly partially-owned by the President, score 30 runs in a game, the most in the modern era. The President is elated. He receives his weekly call from General Petraeus. “How ’bout them Rangers?” Bush asks, jovially. Petraeus launches into a detailed explanation of special forces operations in the Al-Anbar province. Bush loses interest, passes the phone to Cheney.
-The President delivers a speech defending the American presence in Iraq by likening it to the American presence in Vietnam in the 60s and 70s. Before Bush can finish his assertion that US withdrawal from Vietnam led to the rise of Pol Pot and the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia, Tony Snow has snuck out the back door. He brushes aside aides who remind him of his duties to the President, yelling “Tell him I have cancer!”

Thursday, August 23rd
-Looking for lessons on how to defeat insurgents, win hearts and minds, Bush watches American movies set in the Vietnam War.
-Petraeus, Joint Chiefs reject Bush’s suggested Surge title, “Operation Rambo Drop.”

Friday, August 24th
-Petraeus threatens to quit if asked one more time, “What are we doing about this Jason Bourne?”
-The President, lately a scholar in history, ruins the screen of his laptop when highlighting “1215 - Pope Innocent III declares Magna Carta invalid” on wikipedia “This Day in History” page.

In all likelihood, “This Week in the Bush Administration” won’t be a regular feature here. And, thankfully, it doesn’t have the potential for an unlimited run. But a turd blossom hit the fan on Monday, so I figured we ought to take a look.

Monday, August 13th:
-Karl Rove announces he will resign as White House deputy chief of staff, effective September 1st.
-Slate’s John Dickerson publishes an article entitled “Spinner Emeritus: Karl Rove’s Next Job”.
-Prompted by Dickerson’s article, and looking to earn a little spending money before the ‘08 races, Rove decides he might teach for a semester. He searches craigslist for positions.

Tuesday, August 14th
-Rove isn’t the only one ready for a new challenge. The L.A. Times reports a new job responsibility for Alberto Gonzales. Having demonstrated exemplary skills in the termination of employees’ contracts, the Attorney General has been promoted to overseeing the termination of human beings. (Thanks, Patriot Act!)
-Stephen Hawking reads the LA Times story and gives up on finding a Theory of Everything.

Wednesday, August 15th
-Rove answers craigslist ad. After a quick exchange, he accepts the position, which begins on Friday. “Emeritus, my ass” he thinks. “I’ve still got it. Nobody spins like I do.”

Thursday, August 16th
-Tony Snow equivocates.

Friday, August 17th
-Patrons of the Greater DC YMCA are angry that their spin instructor does not have a workout planned for them. What’s more, he appears to be in poor physical condition. They leave the class and demand a refund.
-Rove is left alone in the room to stare at a row of unoccupied cycles. Things just haven’t gone right since those midterms.

One is the loneliest number, Karl.

I just saw the news that Pat Tillman, erstwhile NFL star and Pentagon poster boy, may have been murdered (rather than accidentally killed) by his own troops. Apparently, his family has believed this for a long time, which came as a surprise to me–meaning either I am not paying attention or our trusted news outlets are not doing their jobs. Hmm.

The evidence: multiple bullet wounds in close proximity on his forehead, leading an Army doctor to conclude that the person who shot him was no more than ten yards away; no sign that his unit had received enemy fire; and stonewalling by the Army when an investigation was requested.

Like any “real American” and/or person with a conscience, I can’t help but feel awful for Tillman’s family, bristle at the apparent massive cover-up by our armed forces and executive branch (is there anything that’s beneath this administration?), and, of course…wonder about this story’s celluloid future. Will the Tillman family sell the rights?

While the plot twists are now public knowledge (you sure have a good sense of pacing, free press!), the story should still provide compelling drama, with its clash of idealism and cynicism, and with all the bad smells from high places.

Plus, Tillman is a fascinating character–a guy who enthralled pro-war America by turning down millions to become an Army Ranger and fight in Afghanistan, but also turned out also to be an atheist, Iraq War opponent, and fan of Noam Chomsky.

Which leads to some interesting questions re: casting. Russell Crowe seems a likely frontrunner for the role of Tillman, which would demand considerable brawn. Wildcard: The Rock. Granted, not a match on melanin, but if Angelina can go browner, why can’t he go whiter? Wildercard: Michael Cera in his muscle suit.

Buster’s not the only Bluth in Army!

My thoughts: Make Tillman’s character an extended cameo–like Orson Welles in The Third Man–and keep the focus on the cover-ups and investigations. Do it up noir style. (Could all the intrigue, deception, and corruption of the Iraq War mean a comeback for one of my favorite genres?). And, of course, cast Paul Reubens as General Peter Pace.

The word of the day is…Cover-up!!