My friend Mike posted this graphic from phd comics yesterday. I know this cycle too well:

Similarly, this entertaining article from Jessica Winter in Slate documents the epic procrastination/perfectionism of Ralph Ellison and Truman Capote following the publication of their big hits (Invisible Man and In Cold Blood, respectively). My favorite part is the authors’ false claims of stolen and/or burned manuscripts–really just a half-step above the “my dog ate it” excuse. I wonder if a similarly anguished procrastination is secretly at work with Harper Lee and J.D. Salinger. Either way, the article struck a little fear in the heart of this wannabe scribe (though of course I have no great success—save the underappreciated buddy cop masterpiece Haymaker & Sally—to drive my anxiety), and I hope it does the same for a certain friend who needs to finish his opus, post-haste.

One day after the airing of the last episode of The Wire–the topical urban TV drama in which nearly every idealistic reformer is either undone by his/her personal demons or is corrupted by the quest for power–New York’s Eliot Spitzer sees his political career potentially torpedoed by his patronage of a prostitution ring. For those who don’t recall, Spitzer’s ascendence was due largely to his image as an ethically-beyond-reproach Attorney General. With the help of “more powerful prosecutorial tools than any official in the country“, he took on and bested huge, influence-wielding industries (insurers, investment bankers), getting himself named “Crusader of the Year” and “the people’s champion” by Time Magazine in 2002.

Now, just like [insert idealistic Wire character here], it appears his quest to change the world may be largely done.

Twin Cities newspaper the Star-Tribune is reporting that Latrell Sprewell is in fresh financial trouble. Just months removed from the seizure of his yacht, the former NBA star is poised to lose his suburban Milwaukee home as well, thanks to his inability to make mortgage payments. Of course, the the Tubes are abuzz with jokes about Sprewell’s famous “I’ve got to feed my kids,” line–his justification for turning down a 3-year, $21 million contract that he deemed insufficient. (Spree’s agent also said that $5 million a season was a level beneath which [Sprewell] would not stoop or kneel.”)

The amazing and sad thing is that Sprewell’s career earnings from basketball alone have topped $96 million. Granted, his strangling of current Sonics coach P.J. Carlesimo meant that he’s never caught on as a product endorser, but he still had other business ventures, including the Washington-state based Sprewell Racing.

I’m reminded of a quote from the currently incarcerated Keon Clark (drug possession, driving on suspended license, etc.), who retired at the relatively young age of 29 and turned down overtures from multiple NBA teams:

“People don’t understand, if you can’t live the rest of your life off one year in the NBA, you can’t live off 21.”

A YouTube tribute to Spree as the self-proclaimed American Dream. He sure was fun to watch:

Warning: video’s lyrics contain some NSFW language

Thanks to Nick for the tip.

Taking some of the fun out of one of the summer’s most enjoyable baseball stories, The New York Daily News reports that St. Louis’ slugger and comeback kid Rick Ankiel received a one-year supply of HGH from a Florida pharmacy in 2004. (The league added HGH to its list of banned substances in 2005, after New Era expressed doubts about their ability to make hats that would fit Barry Bonds’ expanding noggin.)

You don’t make a 9 3/4″ hat yet

Ankiel, as you may recall, came up as a pitcher with St. Louis in 2000. Only 20 years old, he wowed the league with a high-90s fastball and sharp curve before suffering a mental breakdown in the playoffs and throwing five wild pitches in one inning. After numerous psychological struggles and injuries, he reinvented himself as a slugging outfielder, hitting 32 home runs in AAA ball this year before being called up to the majors, where he hit three home runs in his first three games and 9 in 81 at bats. This epically successful comeback led columnist Charles Krauthammer to dub him “The Natural,” after the protagonist in the famous baseball movie of the same name.

The nickname stuck for a while, though it’s unlikely to be used in any way but mockingly now. Which is a bit of a shame–HGH’d or not, Ankiel’s accomplishment is pretty amazing (even if his current pace is unsustainable). And, of course, he might have been totally clean for the last two or three years—or since the league banned the substance. We’ll never know, thanks to baseball’s anemic testing regimen. (Perhaps John McCain can try to resurrect his presidential campaign with some more grandstanding and Congressional time-wasting on the issue.)

Reacting to the story, Cardinals GM Walt Jocketty said, “If it’s true, obviously it would be very tragic.” Perhaps he’s been taking tips from Doug Christie’s PR people. It’d be nice to see an executive ease up on the hyperbole and serious-speak and just tell it like it is. It’s too bad The Dude doesn’t do press conferences: “Rick was on HGH? That’s a bummer, man. Next question?”

Team USA’s Kobe Bryant does the Larry Craig against Brazil’s Leandro Barbosa.

Look, Ma—no callouses!

Alberto Gonzales
United States Attorney General, February 14, 2005 - September 17, 2007

“Even my worst days as Attorney General have been better than my father’s best days…I have lived the American Dream.”

Translation: My father may have been an honest man who performed a less-than-glamorous job with integrity. And I may have countenanced torture, felonious wiretapping, and numerous other misdeeds and malfeasances. But at least I got to do it in a suit behind a desk. At least my hands are soft.

Congratulations, America. Condolences, American Dream.

ESPN reports that Milwaukee’s Best, Latrell Sprewell’s $1.5 million yacht, has been repossessed.

The bank intends to put the yacht up for auction. Potential buyers include Gavin McLeod and Fred Smoot. In the interest of feeding his family, Spree has offered his services as First Mate.

In all likelihood, “This Week in the Bush Administration” won’t be a regular feature here. And, thankfully, it doesn’t have the potential for an unlimited run. But a turd blossom hit the fan on Monday, so I figured we ought to take a look.

Monday, August 13th:
-Karl Rove announces he will resign as White House deputy chief of staff, effective September 1st.
-Slate’s John Dickerson publishes an article entitled “Spinner Emeritus: Karl Rove’s Next Job”.
-Prompted by Dickerson’s article, and looking to earn a little spending money before the ‘08 races, Rove decides he might teach for a semester. He searches craigslist for positions.

Tuesday, August 14th
-Rove isn’t the only one ready for a new challenge. The L.A. Times reports a new job responsibility for Alberto Gonzales. Having demonstrated exemplary skills in the termination of employees’ contracts, the Attorney General has been promoted to overseeing the termination of human beings. (Thanks, Patriot Act!)
-Stephen Hawking reads the LA Times story and gives up on finding a Theory of Everything.

Wednesday, August 15th
-Rove answers craigslist ad. After a quick exchange, he accepts the position, which begins on Friday. “Emeritus, my ass” he thinks. “I’ve still got it. Nobody spins like I do.”

Thursday, August 16th
-Tony Snow equivocates.

Friday, August 17th
-Patrons of the Greater DC YMCA are angry that their spin instructor does not have a workout planned for them. What’s more, he appears to be in poor physical condition. They leave the class and demand a refund.
-Rove is left alone in the room to stare at a row of unoccupied cycles. Things just haven’t gone right since those midterms.

One is the loneliest number, Karl.