You know that this Sonics team has the stuff of of a feature length movie, but did you know that it has the stuff of a great boy band as well?

NBA fans and bloggers around the globe: I challenge you to come up with any set of four (or more) players from your team who could make a better boy band than the following Sonics foursome.

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, it’s

Coast2Coast!

Kevin D: The youngest Coast2Coast!er does funny impressions of his coach and has a crush on Beyonce.

Mickael G: The shy Frenchmen has a cute smile, is good with kids…and, oh, that hair!

Wally Z: Even though now he has a lot, he’s still Wally from the cul-de-sac.

Luke R: The clean-living kid with the golden locks and voice is ready to dream big!

Big ups to Panamaniac and the rest of the original Coast2Coast crew

“Watch with Kristin” at E! Online is reporting that Ron Howard and MItch Hurwitz, producers of that apotheosis of TV comedy, Arrested development, have begun contacting cast members to gauge their interest in making a movie based on the show. While nothing is guaranteed, this is wonderful news.

Did somebody say *wonder*?

On wikipedia the other day, the featured entry was on French novelist and playwright Honore de Balzac, and the featured image in that entry was this one:

Ding ding ding!!

Jonathan M. Lovitz, thy bell has rung!

Imagine the possibilities: young Balzac taunted for his name (it’s pronounced balZac!); sulking at his choice of a career in the law (I feel you, Honore! I feel you!); competing with Franz Liszt for women; and generally just struggling to be an awesome writer.

We could have Chris Elliott, whoever does Grey’s Anatomy (though I fear that might be a computer program, or a lonely, hormonally and emotionally unstable teenager with a library of Hallmark cards and self-help books), and me (since it was my idea) write the script, and have Michael Mann direct it (lots of close-ups, slow-mos, and sunglasses). If Sofia Coppola can make a movie about Marie Antoinette, then why can’t we make one about Balzac?

I was chatting with my friend Nirav the other day and our discussion led us to the following question:

Since waterboarding serves as a sort of truth serum (why else would we use it to fight terror?), and since presidential candidates have a tendency to equivocate, obfuscate, and generally be less than truthful, shouldn’t we waterboard candidates during the debates to make sure they’re being honest with the American people?

What’s a little temporary discomfort if it ensures they’re telling us the truth in a time of war? (Though, as Nirav said, and I feel the same way, “seeing Dennis Kucinich waterboarded might make me cry.”)

Should we waterboard our candidates during debates? Vote in the poll here.

The original Coach was built on the Andy Griffith model, with a big, decent guy as the lead and a goofy, smaller man as his devoted but sometimes inept sidekick. You could argue that it’s a timeless model. But right now, it’s not what’s hot. And moreover, it’s not really honest—not when it comes to college football.

Everyone knows that college football is big business. In most states, the highest paid public employee is a college football coach. Washington just lost to Oregon, whose wheels of ascent were greased by the liquid fortune of Phil Knight. USC rode Reggie Bush to several top five finishes, while he and his family allegedly rode in a limousine and pulled in $280,000 in benefits. And the tradition goes back: some of my favorite college football teams are the Miami squads from the late 80s, when 2 Live Crew’s Luther Campbell stalked the sidelines, doling out cash in pre-set amounts as rewards for big plays.

Isn’t it time, then, to resurrect Coach, but take it the Desperate Housewives route (except for scrapping the laugh track—the laugh track must be kept)? Maybe Hayden has some friends who can make some “problems” disappear. Maybe Johnny Heisman roughs up a valet who scratches his Escalade. Maybe a touchdown earns you more than a shining star on your helmet—it earns you a star shining your helmet. A place where everybody knows your name, where the steroids flow like water, and where it only rains when your cornerbacks make it.

This one appears to have been around the Internet for a while, but it’s well worth another look. Also, a word from Oskar, who likes to dance.

Shitters in the mist

It’s not every day you see this.

This one’s not new to cyberspace, but it’s worth a second (or third, or fourth) viewing, as it answers an important question:

What would happen if you created a man who combined French Stewart’s lisp and squint with John Lithgow’s looks and carriage, gave him a healthy dollop of self-seriousness and a proclivity to speak in platitudes about the post-9/11 world, named him “Harry Hurt, III”, and forced him to take a self-defense class from a similarly self-serious, bearded, bearish, opera-singing instructor?

Click on the tiny Harry to enjoy the tiger pantomimes and posed group shots.

Chop, palm, knee!

Wade Boggs has long been known as one of the best hitters of his generation, as well as a man of many idiosyncrasies, the most famous of which may have been his habit of eating chicken before every game. Recently, however, a friend introduced me to an article detailing another of Boggs’ strange habits: drinking large amounts of Miller Lite. According to a couple of his former teammates, Boggs would drink somewhere in the neighborhood of 50-70 Miller Lites in the course of an ordinary East Coast to West Coast day of travel. Exaggerated or not, these stories indicate that Boggs loved beer as much as he loved chicken. This, of course, can bring to mind only one figure. It’s a shame Boggs played about twenty years too early for his perfect entry music.

Nevertheless, Boggs and Ludacris both appeared in this year’s Wrestlemania 23. What does that tell us? Despite considerable career earnings, they’re both still looking to make a little extra cash. What better way for them to do it–and for us to be entertained–than to send them out to Wing Domes, roadside barbecues, and sports bars nationwide to sample the chicken and beer and mingle with the locals. (Of course, Wade might have to expand his beer repertoire, but I think he could do it. And Miller Lite makes a great chaser.) It’d be low-cost TV–just a crew with a couple cameras and mics–no rides to pimp. And it’d be entertaining. Odd couples sell; it’s a proven fact. MTV, Food Channel, Discovery Channel execs: make it happen.